How good are we at expressing disagreement, being humble, rebuking and the like? Let’s reflect together in this series.
Have you signed up for our new points program?” the cashier at the bakery asked me.
“Not yet,” I said.
“I can sign you up right now,” she replied. “Then you can start earning points right away.”
In my email I have a two-for-one offer on eyeglasses, a coupon for 30% off clothing, and a grocery store flyer apparently full of savings I won’t want to miss. With their loyalty programs and discount offers, stores encourage us to keep coming back.
In the Church encouragement often has a purpose too. A sermon series to encourage good stewardship. Bulletin announcements to encourage members to sign up as Sunday school teachers. Fundraisers to encourage giving to special mission projects.
That’s all in keeping with the dictionary definition – to inspire or motivate someone to do something.
But in the Bible not all encouragement is about getting someone to do something. Instead, 1 Thessalonians 5:11 says, “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up.” The word build literally means to build a house. Like the wise man who built his house on the rock (Matthew 7:24). The same word is used for building up our neighbours (Romans 15:2) and the Church (1 Corinthians 14:12).
Such encouragement is not Yamasakitoward some separate, external purpose. It’s encouragement for its own sake, to lift others up and cheer them on. It’s community building without agenda, except our mutual good (Romans 14:19).
A ministry leader once showed me an anonymous note. It listed some strongly worded advice and ended with, “This is to encourage you” with the word encourage underlined several times. Only the note had the opposite effect. It communicated criticism. It weakened our sense of community and serving together.
Here are more constructive ways to encourage one another.
Be personal.
Set aside your own agenda and ask instead, How can I bless this person? How can I lift this person up for God’s glory?
Over the years I’ve been the happy recipient of jars of homemade jam, fresh rhubarb, cut flowers, chocolate, fruit, salmon, teddy bears, a surprise plate of spring rolls, a handmade pair of slippers and many kind words – not to motivate me to do anything in particular, but as no-agenda gifts of encouragement that helped build our personal relationships as a community together.
ILLUSTRATION: VECTORIUM
Communicate in a positive manner.
Offer words of blessing rather than complaint or correction. Be specific and sincere. Say thank you for something the person has done or a quality you admire.
When I served a plate of my mother’s secret recipe chocolate chip cookies at a youth gathering, one of the youth responded enthusiastically, “These are so good, you should make them every day!”
“If I had you to eat them, maybe I would make them every day,” I said. His positive expression of enjoyment gave me a lift, and I remember him every time I make those cookies.
Offer practical support.
Come early to set up chairs for a meeting or stay after to help clean up. Offer a ride to someone who can’t get around. Or an evening of childcare for busy parents.
One dear saint would sometimes bring food for me and my husband. “Enjoy the ever-differing recipe of sausage roll,” she wrote in one note. In another, “Enjoy the lunch (you’ll need to supply the rice). No need for a thank you – we know you both are grateful.”
Express delight.
In his article, “The Struggle to Bless,” Catholic theologian Ronald Rolheiser writes, “To bless someone, literally, means to speak well of him or her. More deeply, that means to see someone’s energy and honour it as a source of joy and delight.”
We can greet one another with delight – I’m glad to meet you. I’ve missed you. I’ve been wanting to talk with you. We can speak well of one another – I love her song leading. I love his speaking. They are such a wonderful family.
Keep practising.
When it comes to encouragement, we won’t always get it right, but let’s give one another grace and not give up. By God’s grace, let’s keep practising and growing in encouragement as we seek to build one another up.
April Yamasaki of Abbotsford, B.C., is a writer, liturgist, editor and spiritual formation mentor. Her latest book is Hope Beyond Our Sorrows (AprilYamasaki.com). Read more of these columns at FaithToday.ca/FellowshipSkills. Illustration of people: Vectorium