An extended review of a 2025 book by Karissa Sovdi
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Word Alive, 2025. 200 pages. $20 (ebook $10, audio $22)
Karissa Sovdi sets out to reexamine how Christians think about singleness. Though I might contest classifying this book as “a theology,” it certainly offers personal and biblical reflection on the realities of unmarried life providing an insider perspective on the opportunities and challenges of an uncoupled life, and how the Church – for better or for worse – contributes to that journey. She offers an invitation to readers of all marital status to reflect on their fullness in Christ and position in God’s kingdom. At times, I forgot I was reading a book about singleness and felt convicted and encouraged as a married mom of three.
Sovdi walks readers through overarching themes of grief, desire, personhood and embracing reality as they relate to singleness and the Christian life in general. She unpacks these themes in focused chapters, first focusing on some of the unhelpful ways singleness has been framed in Christian circles and the process of grief she underwent in embracing an uncoupled existence while managing a desire for marriage. She addresses common lies that dehumanize and devalue single life or overinflate and idolize marriage.
In the second section, she treats the matter of desire with honesty and refreshing clarity. Sovdi cuts to the chase in addressing sex and desire, eschewing some tendencies in some Christian circles to undermine the goodness of the body because our battle against “the flesh,” a biblical metaphor for our sinful nature. She addresses the importance and dignity of physical interaction, and tackles tough, sometimes taboo topics with vulnerability and humility.
The third section is called Learn How to Be a Person, and contemplates gender roles, Jesus’s singleness, loneliness and friendship. I appreciate her discussion about vulnerability, service and accountability. While I often felt a sense of solidarity and shared humanity in these chapters, I was humbled to realize I had been blind to some of the challenges and difficulties, especially concerning friendships outside of marriage.
Section four turns to embracing reality and invites readers to reflect on the many freedoms and joys afforded to them, “Both [coupled and uncoupled] lives carry their joys and their and burdens, their freedoms and limitations” (154). I was glad to see it in writing something that I too have contemplated. I found myself saying alongside Sovdi as she reflected on a life like mine (and I was invited to reflect on a life like hers) that we were both “all at once, inspired, jealous, and relieved” (157).
Sovdi is generous with illustrations and metaphors, offering tangible examples from her life which helps ground the challenges of singleness in real-world anecdotes, rather than abstractions. She offers well-crafted one-liners and turns of phrase that are perhaps a reflection of how her circumstances have required her to churn the same ideas over time, sharpening them until they resonate. Her approach as a writer is disarming, humorous and conversational which makes the book a quick but substantial read.
Her biblical treatment is not heavy handed; if anything, I would have taken more of it. Often she lists out themes providing parenthetical Bible references, with some longer discussions related to key passages on singleness and marriage such as 1 Corinthians 7 and Genesis 2. The biblical treatment is more than proof texting. She takes the text seriously and considers contextual and theological considerations, attesting to Sovdi’s esteem and familiarity with Scripture. However, it may seem wanting for those looking for a robust theology of singleness (that you might get with Barry Danylak) in a book that reads more like a memoir.
She does not instruct readers on how to manage unmarried life so much as she offers alternative ways of thinking that are often open-ended or imagining a third way. I found this nonprescriptive approach balanced and helpful for application when no two circumstances look the same. Her brief treatment of masturbation allows for more ambivalence than I've encountered in most evangelical circles, but it would be disingenuous to give too much weight to this discussion when she pays proportionally more attention to matters of holiness, purity and satisfaction in Christ. Similarly, her treatment on gender role and feminism was an interesting digression that may not resonate with some readers but does not take away from the value of the book.
Sovdi has a knack for dismantling unhelpful structures and platitudes and replacing them with thoughtful suggestions for nuanced ways of thinking about marriage, singleness and Christian mission. At times, she will address readers with the assumption they are single, “[God] expects more of you than to bide your time until marriage” (23). As a married reader, I felt respected yet rightfully chastened in some of my assumptions. At times, I even teared up to think about some of the ways she has felt dishonoured as a single woman – getting the couch instead of a guest room, being offered a seat at the kids table at family gatherings or being treated like a babysitter.
Whether one is married or not, life presents challenges and blessings based on our relational status. What Sovdi suggests, however, is when adulthood assumes marriage, challenges are exacerbated for those who do not fit the paradigm. She discusses various ways in which she has learned to adapt but also makes recommendations for how we might return the favour, widening our concepts of family friendship, even intimacy that might help us love our single neighbours a little better.
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